I should thank you for showing me that the world can be more than just a collection of happy memories and smiles abound for showing me scars are present reminders of the pain I lived through but I now have come to a point where I no longer know where the scars end and the skin begins.
Damaged from the start I tend to ease into the same role in every occasion where I relinquish control of my mind and my body only to repeat into yet another nightmare where my voice is never heard my heart never felt and my feelings overruled I can never be trusted ever again for I am damaged even before we begin.
I cannot control the things you wished to see nor can I make amends for everything I have not done there are no words that will make any of this easy so I am not going to indulge and just exit stage left.
Days meld together in a blur I recall that yesterday has passed and tomorrow is knocking on the door already where work will dull the tedium of loneliness and hopefully will give me the energy I require to face yet another week.
I remember all the little things that we shared all the joy all the pain it all tastes so bittersweet but now I have to confront the dull loneliness of us apart in the dark in utter defeat.
Shallow breathing when I think about being free of this lingering doubt cold sweat all over my skin and tears welling up unable to see that beyond this is a life that might be worth living.
Every time I look around and see myself being alone I mourn losing you.