Do you see
the black
that hides
behind my eyes
trying to
at every 
wanting to not
act upon them
I drown them
in any way 
I possibly can
now you think
I am deceiving
into believing
I am doing
something right
when I am not
but do you
really know
how often
the blade slices
inside my mind
how often
I suffocate
and strangle
myself in hatred
breathing all
the mistakes
down my throat
the nights
I cry myself
into a ball
of hopelessness
I ask not 
for anyone's pity
or judgement
all I want
is to accept
the person
that stares back
when I look
in the mirror
and not see
a shimmering
of the person
I could have been.


I have no words
to give 
I have no faith
in a world
without knowing
there is more 
than just this
more than just
existing for 
the sake of it
I know that you
have unspoken
decrees about me
and unfulfilled
wishes coinciding
I just hope
that my tears
are not wasted
not this time at least.