And so I sit in the darkest corners of my mind peering into the darkness I cling to fearful of the light that searches that brings hope and release but this pain is familiar I know what it can and will do and I am scared for the torment that another path will subject me to.
I have no words to give I have no faith in a world without knowing there is more than just this more than just existing for the sake of it I know that you have unspoken decrees about me and unfulfilled wishes coinciding I just hope that my tears are not wasted not this time at least.
My heart stopped eyes sore pain of not being yesterday not able to grow beyond the failures I was already broken alone and robbed It was not 'my day' and I fear it never will be.
My heart is still open shattered and broken I still hurt and stumble over insecurities but I need you like I always have and I want to be all you need even if it kills me.
Trying to describe my feelings now is as impossible as attempting to read my writing on paper with a white pencil the words are there but they will never reach you.
I should thank you for showing me that the world can be more than just a collection of happy memories and smiles abound for showing me scars are present reminders of the pain I lived through but I now have come to a point where I no longer know where the scars end and the skin begins.
Damaged from the start I tend to ease into the same role in every occasion where I relinquish control of my mind and my body only to repeat into yet another nightmare where my voice is never heard my heart never felt and my feelings overruled I can never be trusted ever again for I am damaged even before we begin.