And so I sit in the darkest corners of my mind peering into the darkness I cling to fearful of the light that searches that brings hope and release but this pain is familiar I know what it can and will do and I am scared for the torment that another path will subject me to.
My heart stopped eyes sore pain of not being yesterday not able to grow beyond the failures I was already broken alone and robbed It was not 'my day' and I fear it never will be.
Trying to describe my feelings now is as impossible as attempting to read my writing on paper with a white pencil the words are there but they will never reach you.
I should thank you for showing me that the world can be more than just a collection of happy memories and smiles abound for showing me scars are present reminders of the pain I lived through but I now have come to a point where I no longer know where the scars end and the skin begins.
Damaged from the start I tend to ease into the same role in every occasion where I relinquish control of my mind and my body only to repeat into yet another nightmare where my voice is never heard my heart never felt and my feelings overruled I can never be trusted ever again for I am damaged even before we begin.
Days meld together in a blur I recall that yesterday has passed and tomorrow is knocking on the door already where work will dull the tedium of loneliness and hopefully will give me the energy I require to face yet another week.
Shallow breathing when I think about being free of this lingering doubt cold sweat all over my skin and tears welling up unable to see that beyond this is a life that might be worth living.