There are times when I feel lost for words when I do not know what to jot down, but lately I have been feeling creative, writing short stories and little poems, they will only reach the intended target though. Loads of ideas come to mind and many avenues I can explore. But this does mean I have less time to consider of think about the times when things do go wrong. It seems almost odd that I cannot seem to be able to hear certain things with the clarity of before… Do I miss those negative voices, or am I suppressing them with the positive feelings I now experience?
I think the latter is somewhat the case, however, I do also think I have not all that much to complain about. Things are really starting to look up, I feel blessed, loved and wanted. It seems I am discovering more and more of who I am, or who I was/should have been all along. And the strange thing is: I actually like it. I see positive things, small and large. Things I do right, things I do wrong and how I remedy those, or how I deal with the setback. Sure there are a few things that still really need addressing, but for the time being the baby steps forward have progressed to actual forward motion, a pace that is not scary or too slow. I am not where I want to be eventually, but I am rediscovering my lust for the written word, however trivial the skills I have with it may be.
I hope to be able to sit down and finish a few of my old and more newfound projects and share them with the world, but there is also this insecurity that still lurks a little. Some things are just too personal and should remain that way, but the fact that I have the energy and capacity to consider finishing them… well quite frankly it is another victory I can mark down on the list.
So actually what I am writing now is that I want to write more, that I should write more, out of a lust for it, not because of any other motivation than to get the ideas on paper, the stories told and the words possibly reaching the intended targets. I do not know how else to describe this feeling at this time, but it feels great.