I see you
every time I 
close my eyes

I feel you
every time I
hold out my arms

I hear you
with every
rustle through leaves

I miss you
with every
breath I take




I am warm
still half aware
of the view
my mind 
has conjured up
of you
and my heart
not wanting
to let go 
of the moment
we are together
if only in dreams.

Just write

Just write

There are times when I feel lost for words when I do not know what to jot down, but lately I have been feeling creative, writing short stories and little poems, they will only reach the intended target though. Loads of ideas come to mind and many avenues I can explore. But this does mean I have less time to consider of think about the times when things do go wrong. It seems almost odd that I cannot seem to be able to hear certain things with the clarity of before… Do I miss those negative voices, or am I suppressing them with the positive feelings I now experience?

I think the latter is somewhat the case, however, I do also think I have not all that much to complain about. Things are really starting to look up, I feel blessed, loved and wanted. It seems I am discovering more and more of who I am, or who I was/should have been all along. And the strange thing is: I actually like it. I see positive things, small and large. Things I do right, things I do wrong and how I remedy those, or how I deal with the setback. Sure there are a few things that still really need addressing, but for the time being the baby steps forward have progressed to actual forward motion, a pace that is not scary or too slow. I am not where I want to be eventually, but I am rediscovering my lust for the written word, however trivial the skills I have with it may be.

I hope to be able to sit down and finish a few of my old and more newfound projects and share them with the world, but there is also this insecurity that still lurks a little. Some things are just too personal and should remain that way, but the fact that I have the energy and capacity to consider finishing them… well quite frankly it is another victory I can mark down on the list.

So actually what I am writing now is that I want to write more, that I should write more, out of a lust for it, not because of any other motivation than to get the ideas on paper, the stories told and the words possibly reaching the intended targets. I do not know how else to describe this feeling at this time, but it feels great.



This weekend was a bit of turmoil and filled with a lot of things I am still piecing together, trying to capture it all in a post. but it all comes down to pretty much the following:


I made a mistake,
I messed up
I feared the worst
I held on

She was angry
she was upset
she was listening
she did not let go.


It is not often
I am lost for words
I am unable to breathe
and my throat dry
It is not often
my heart fills
my eyes drown
and my soul sings out
It is not often
I feel this strongly
I feel loved
I belong
But it will be the norm
this I vow
for now and forever
to both our hearts.